I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
