yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
