drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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