Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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