Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
