there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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