he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
