just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
