i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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