I have demons in me.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
