Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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