She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
