Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
