my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
