Farmville is her only friend.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
