R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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