The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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