so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
