Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
