So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
