You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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