your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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