watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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