so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
