Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
