she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
