i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
