if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
