please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
