I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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