Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
