So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize