She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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