apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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