hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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