from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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