that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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