Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
