too bad you live with your parents still
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
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we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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