Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
