Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
