Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
