So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
