did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
