you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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