I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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