He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
