Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
