I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
