I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
