and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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