Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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