worst night to have a conscience
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
