if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
BRING THE BAGELS
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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