we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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