ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Floor bacon is actually really good
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
