Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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