I am in a vortex of obligation.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
