Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize