You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
