Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
