why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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