sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
