Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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