I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
