it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
