I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
