he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
