I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
