I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
