So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
