sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
tell me about the eggs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
